I'm Alive

I wanted to share my latest project with anyone who cares to listen.
When I was younger I'd make videos all the time just to make them. Now I go through quite the planning process. I've learned when inspiration and motivation hit, I have to take it, otherwise I might miss out.

To me, this song can be about heartbreak, but especially for depression and suicidal thoughts. Because when you've been suicidal, the words "I'm Alive" mean so much. ;

See the video here

My 2017 Marathon

For me, 2017 was one of the best and worst years of my life. The start was fairly normal with my work and schooling. January was normal, except for helping my parents move into their nice, new home.

I continued through school, making good and then decent progress. Cafe Zupa's was a good job with lots of fun people I like. My husband and I got a new car so then we wouldn't have to share cars for work, etc. 

At this point I should mention something very hard to admit, but it plays a huge role in how my year went. Since around December 2016 my depression hit a whole new level and I began having suicidal thoughts. There were times when I wanted to do something, anything, even just get out of bed, but my depression weighed on my chest and made it feel like I couldn't even move. 

Yes, I was on antidepressants as well as vitamin supplements. I even had a public complex membership and would go swimming or jogging at least once a week. None of this, however, seemed to be able to counteract the darkness that loomed over me. As I got more frustrated with myself I turned to self harm. It may seem odd to someone without depression how hurting yourself could make you feel better, but when you're desperate to feel anything, it can temporarily make you feel that it's working. Trust me, it doesn't in the long haul.

As to how this ties in, well, when I didn't want to get out of bed, that included going to school or work. I got in trouble at multiple times due to tardiness or not feeling like I could go in at all. Luckily I had a manager who understood mental health and was able to help me make it through months of torment. 

School was not so kind. I missed a day, I'd miss another, I'd be late, I'd miss the first half of the day. All this did make me feel guilty, but I still couldn't bring myself to tell anyone, even my husband. I was ashamed that my depression was controlling my life, and I didn't want to pull anyone else into my misery. 

Unfortunately around May, my husband found out, and was rightfully hurt that I didn't talk to him about it. I didn't have any decent answers to give him, so he stayed upset. I stopped going to school in June, and he took that as an opportunity to tell me what he wanted me to do. Our ideas of me taking a break from school were very different. He assumed I would go full-time with a job if I stopped school. I thought I was taking a break for a month or so and then going back to school. 

Over the next month he'd argue with me about what I needed to do, and repeatedly told me I needed to "change or move out". By the end of July, he told this to me so often, it seemed nothing I did was good enough. So, I moved back in with my parents after exhausting my efforts to make things right, or what I thought was right. I thought that was the end, but we met with our bishop and agreed to try for two months to make things better.

A couple weeks into September, he called me and told me he was tired of this and wanted a divorce. I was shocked, and didn't want to, but he was convinced I couldn't do anything to make up for my absences from school, and so we filed. It broke my heart, but I knew he'd made up his mind, and I wanted it to be over with so I could heal.

Over the next few months it was a game of waiting, until our divorce was finalized on December 29th. I've shed many tears over this, and have had a hard time understanding what I'm supposed to do. I thought I was finally making progress, and it hurt when what I thought was the best thing in my life ended so abruptly.

2017 did end on a happy note, however. My parents saw the need for me to have something to help with my depression beyond medication. When my mother mentioned the possibility of getting me a dog, I couldn't believe my ears. I love animals, and have wanted a dog since I was 6 at least. Turns out God had the same idea, too, and must've inspired my mother to act on it.

One of the teachers at the school my mom teaches at accidentally had her dog get pregnant with a neighbor dog. The mom is a black lab/border collie; dad is a yellow lab. She had 6 puppies the beginning of October. So at the time we were looking to get a dog, my puppy was already born and I didn't know it. 

I fell in love with Sherlock, though at first I wanted one of the black dogs. But there was something about that more tannish yellow lab than his brothers, so he was in my top three choices. I prepared to take in my puppy, and took him home at 9 weeks old.

Turns out he was, and is, perfect for me, too, as he quickly took to me. He always greets me with excitement, and whines when he can't get to me. I'm embracing being a dog mom as I train him and he's definitely crawled into my heart, partially filling that void that was left these past few months.

I'm hoping 2018 will be better. The best thing I can do is turn to strengthening my testimony and spiritual well being. If I do that, I know everything else will fall into place. To sum my outlook on life right now, here's a quote from Lord of the Rings that gets me through hard times:

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold.....You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on." - Frodo, Return of the King

Learning to Dance in the Rain

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain." -Vivian Greene

This is one of my all-time favorite quotes. It's not too optimistic, but it's not pessimistic either. Let's break it down, shall we? 

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...." This first line acknowledges that there is a storm. It doesn't say that it's all in your head, or that you're making a big deal out of nothing. A lot of people would like you to just ignore the storm and smile all the time. Don't whine, don't vent, we don't want to hear about your problems. 

But everyone deals with storms in a different way. The person who can stay in their warm, cozy house all day won't be affected by the storm as much. The homeless person who is trying to find even the smallest piece of shelter will probably be wishing for the storm to end as soon as possible as they shiver in their tattered clothing. The working person who's driving to work might be moving through the storm, but might wish the driving conditions would be safer as going to the destination is hard. 

Again, turning to Vivian's words, it's not about "waiting". We're not supposed to wait until things get better, until there's no sign of trial in sight. Storms will come, and they will be tough. But what should we do? "dance in the rain".

That's what life is all about. No matter your situation, if your life has storms that are a quick drizzle, or if your life has storms that topple trees, you can get through it. 

You don't have to be happy about the storm, but you can be happy while in it. Even if you aren't good at dancing, that doesn't matter. As long as you try, put your dancing pants on, and move your body in a way that makes you happy, things will pass. 

With all the rain we've gotten in April, I thought this would be appropriate. Even if it rains for a week straight, or even months sometimes, the sun will break through eventually, and you'll be glad you got through the storm. 

Preparation for Comic Con

There are lots of conventions all over the world. They're all very different, but they all have a few things in common. I've been to a few comic cons myself, and wanted to share some of my best tips and tricks. These will mostly be applicable to Salt Lake Comic Con, but hopefully they'll be helpful for others as well. Here we go!

Before the Con
Tip 1 - Buying Your Tickets
If there's one thing that deters most people from going to comic con, it's the cost. Especially for first-time goers, it can seem like a lot of money just to go spend more money or hear some people speak. One thing that's helpful to know is when to buy your tickets.

If the con you're going to is anything like SLCC, they'll have a few deals around holidays, and right when tickets go on sale. I always decide early if I'm going to the next con or not, because I want to buy my tickets right when the "Loyalty Launch" starts. With that deal, not only do I save a lot of money, but I get a lot out of it, too. 

Normally, VIP is $230, Gold is $95, and a Multipass is $60. With the Loyalty Launch, you get VIP for around $150, Gold for $60, and Multipass for $35. (I'm estimating here, I can't remember exact numbers). But hey, that is a killer deal!!! Not only are the prices cut, but I also get a free Thursday pass, two free kids passes, and a free tshirt and lanyard with my purchase if I do it soon enough. Check out your local con for early deals you can snag.

Tip 2 - What to Wear
One of my favorite thing about comic con is dressing up. You should decide early on if you're going to dress up. Whether you're going to make your costume or buy it, you're going to need lots of time to plan it out in case something goes wrong. Start by looking through what you already have that could be used to dress up as a character, even past costumes you could use again. Then make a list of things you still need for your character.

It could be as simple as a dress, jewelry and heels. Or as elaborate as a wig, colored contacts, shirt, jacket, skirt, tights, shoes, and accessories. Whichever way you choose, make a decision and stick to it. It also helps if you go with a group, because then you can help each other find pieces of your costume! I'm going to be doing an article very soon all about cosplay, so stay tuned for that.

Tip 3 - Decide on a Budget
You don't want to go to comic con the first day only to find a piece of merchandise that's perfect for your collection.....and not have enough money willing to pay for it. Comic cons are swarmed with artists, authors, food, and vendors of all sorts. I guarantee you'll find at least one thing that sparks your interest. 

Make sure you save up some money to use at comic con, and bring as much as you can in cash. Since most vendors aren't big companies, they may not have a card reader, and even if they do, they're usually willing to give you a discount if you use cash to save them a credit charge. 

Some examples of merch commonly found at comic con:
Tshirts, necklaces, car decals, henna, glitter tattoos, leather journals, signed pictures, jewelry, neck ties, scarves, belt buckles, crafted swords, costumes, cloaks, hats, etc. 

Footnote: Make sure you also budget money for food!!!

Week before the Con
Tip 4 - Transportation and Food
Now the week of the con has crept up on you, you're hurrying to finish last minute details for costumes, making sure you'll have the money you planned, and planning who you'll meet there. Don't forget you need to plan how you'll get there!

Usually a con will be in a fairly busy city. That means parking garages charging a minimum of $7 for your stay, metered parking, free parking only for 2 hours, or free parking across town. Whether you drive yourself, carpool, or use public transportation, you need to plan your route and how long it'll take you to get there.

On a similar note, don't forget that you need to eat!!!
Food at the con is usually pricey for not much, so I would recommend eating a good-size breakfast that will last you, and bring a few small, inconspicuous snacks for lines, or when you're too far away from a meal but need something to munch. They normally won't let you bring in food, so don't plan to bring a lunch box or cooler, because they won't let you in with it without a serious medical condition exempting you from the rule. 

You should plan whether you'll eat lunch, dinner, or both while at the con. There's usually hot dogs, pizza, pretzels, popcorn, etc at cons. If you're lucky, they might have some food truck vendors. If they do, GO FOR THEM!!! They'll usually have a better amount of food than others, and I've scored drinks at fairly cheap prices, too.

Tip 5 - Plan your Panels
You've gotten excited about comic con, and you've seen all the cool announcements for guests....now what? Well, you could wander around the vendor floor all day just looking at merchandise, or....you could go to panels. 

Panels have to be my favorite part of comic con. You have celebrity Q&A panels, where you hear straight from the stars. Then there's author panels, you can ask authors about their past and upcoming works! My favorite are writing panels where you get advice from authors, editors, and publishers about how to go from writing your book to getting it out and into the spotlight. They'll also have discussions on visual effects, weapon or costume makers, comedy panels, and interactive ones as well. 

Check your con's website and/or FB page to check for a list of panels the week before, because that's when all their celebrities will be booked, and they'll be able to have times for when their panels are. Make sure you go through and make a list of the panel, time, and room of all the ones you want to see, so that you'll know when to get in line as well.

Book signings, photo ops, and autographs need some planning, too if you're going to those. Always plan ahead so you don't miss them!

Tip 6 - Make a List of Supplies
I'm serious about this, be nit-picky and list everything and anything you'll need while at the con. Money, costume, snacks, headache medicine, chapstick, makeup, needle and thread in case your stitching comes lose, notebook and pen, phone, phone charger (portable if you have it), headphones to block out the world while in line if listening to music, camera, tissues, cough drops or band-aids if needed, hair accessories, and anything else you can think of.

Night Before the Con
Tip 7 - Set EVERYTHING Out
Trust me on this one, you do NOT want to be running around like a chicken with its head cut off the morning of the con. You will be stressed and it won't be a pretty picture or get you in a good mood for the day. Put everything you'll need to carry with you in a bag (except your phone and anything else you'll use that night), if you can you should also plan a bag that will go with your character so that Cruella De Vil isn't carrying a bright yellow Minions bag. But that's up to you. Make sure your camera battery is full and the memory card has plenty of memory. Set out your tickets on your nightstand, and set your alarm(s) so you get up with plenty of time to get ready and leave.

Set your costume up on a chair or couch if possible so you know for certain that it's all together and you're not missing anything. If Harry Potter is without his glasses, or The Tenth Doctor without his converse....it'd be pretty weird, wouldn't it?

Tip 8 - Doublecheck Times
If you haven't already, check what time you'll need to leave. Especially with public transportation, make sure you give yourself plenty of time to get there, so you don't have to wait for an agonizing half hour after you'd planned on leaving for the next train. 

It's Time!!!

Tip 9 - Get Ready and Be Early
You're ready for your comic con debut! But on that mask and get there fast and safely. There are lots of other people excited about this, so make sure you get there in plenty of time to beat the rushes, and even earlier if you still need to register your wristbands, or pick up and register your wristbands if you didn't get them shipped to you.

Tip 10 - Check panel rooms and times
One thing cons are notorious for is changing schedules. So, make sure you look to see if there are signs saying that a certain panel you want to go to has been moved across the building, so that you're not running in your viking boots to get there. If you can get any early access to panels because of Gold, VIP, or other special status tickets, use them for the panels you want to see most. 

Tip 11 - Linessssss lllllines liiiiiines lineeeeees linnnnnnnes
Prepare yourself mentally for a long day of lines. Lines for panels, vendors, food, author signings, photo ops, bathrooms, etc. Remember also to be courteous! Everyone else has to wait in lines just like you, so be kind to one another. NO butting in line. That is the biggest manner no-no. 

Tip 12 - Peoplewatch, and take Pictures 
You know that awesome Han Solo in Carbonite on the wall? Perfect photo op! Or that awesome Delorian, another photo op! Oooo, there's a guy dressed as the Joker! Do NOT just take a candid shot of anyone you feel like. Many people go to a lot of work to figure out the perfect pose to show off their character and/or costume to you if you're polite enough to ask them to pose. Not only should you ask for permission, but many times someone will have beat you to the punch, and a group will gather to take pictures all at the same time. Also, they might be hurrying to a panel themselves, so don't be offended if they don't have time to stop. 

Look at all the costumes around you! There are so many people with elaborate costumes, it's fun to see. Who knows? You might just get inspiration for your next costume. Oh, and did I mention you might be a victim of paparazzi, too? If you have a cool costume, or if someone loves your character, they might just ask you to pose for them! Be prepared with a good pose for them if you have time...

P.S. If you want to be sought out among picture-takers, and people pointing you out, dress as Waldo! I did a couple times, and it surprised me just how much attention I got, and it gave me the chance to talk to some fun people. :)

Tip 13 - Be Early to Panels
Chances are, with big celebrities like David Tennant, Bonnie Wright, Stan Lee, Alex Kingston, Mark Hamill, and lots of others appearing at cons, there's going to be a big hall where the most special guests will be featured where the most chairs are. GET THERE EARLY. I can guarantee you that if there's a super popular character, especially if the con is advertising them most, there will be a huge line. I've found the best way to get a good seat for those is to go to the panel before, and then move closer when some people from that panel leave before your panel. If you don't care about a good seat, just about getting in, still get there early, because lines can form fast, and you may not get in at all. 

There are my lucky 13 tips for Comic Con!!! Was there anything I missed? Let me know if I did, I'd love to see what tips and tricks you have. Have fun at your local con, hopefully with this list it'll be more planned out!

Bullet Journal Band Wagon

Many of you may have heard about "bullet journals", also known as #bujo and many of you may be confused as to what I'm talking about. Whether you're new to them, or have one yourself, allow me to give a brief description as to what they are, and then show you my very own!

According to bulletjournal.com: The Bullet Journal is a customizable and forgiving organization system. It can be your to-do list, sketchbook, notebook, and diary, but most likely, it will be all of the above. It will teach you to do more with less.

This is definitely true for me. Bullet Journals are full of all-of-the-above, and more. It helps me get everything in one place, away from technology. Writing things down physically, rather than tapping it on a phone, tends to help ideas stay in your brain more firmly. 

First things first, how do you start a bullet journal? Well, you buy a journal of course! Make sure it's one you'll want to use a lot, because you'll be using it for at least a year's worth of notes. The "official" bullet journal is on the site previously mentioned, and runs at $25 plus shipping, and comes in two colors. Most consistently, I've heard people talk about the Leuchtturm1917 Dotted Notebook. It has many of the same features as the bullet journal, and comes in many different colors. On Amazon Prime, it runs at about $20. Of course, you can use any journal to your liking, just make sure it does match as many of the qualities of the bullet journal as possible.

The notebook I chose was this:

It was about $12 at Walmart, and I'd been keeping it around, so I decided to use it for my bullet journal. It has 240 pages, only 9 less than the standard, which was close enough for me. You should also choose if you want lined, dotted, or blank pages. I prefer lined, but I think I might try dotted next time to see if there is much of a difference.

Now, before I dove into making my bullet journal, I made sure I had a good idea of what I wanted it to be like. For myself, I started a Pinterest board, and pinned a whole bunch of great resources for bullet journals. Generally, I found that this layout was the one most people use:

One thing that got me into bullet journals was the fact that, since you make it yourself, it's fully customizable!!! So if one person includes pages you don't want to, you don't have to include them in your journal. For me, I didn't like the sound of daily spreads, because I do not plan my days out in that much detail, and after making a weekly spread, it seemed redundant to me, because my layouts for the two were basically the same. So, I forego the daily spreads, and just make my weekly spreads more detailed. 

Depending on how detailed you want your journal, there are some other supplies I would recommend as well. If you're looking for a minimalist bullet journal, all you'll need is the journal and a no-bleed pen of your choosing. I would go for a small tip, in case you do want to do any sort of doodling or small writing in your journal. I went for .05mm for most of the pens I use. For making your journal look pretty and/or colorful, I would recommend getting a few different colored pens, as well as washi tape. Washi tape is nice, thin tape, often transparent, so you can use it to highlight or underline in your journal without bleeding through or using more pen. You can find it basically everywhere. I got mine on sale at Joann's, but I know there's some on Amazon, as well as Etsy sellers that sell it specifically for bullet journals. I'd go for a pack to start with, and then buy singles of other specific patterns or colors you want. 

Now, onto the actual journal. Before you go crazy designing all of your pages, line your whole journal. This is a crucial part of the BuJo, the fact that it has an Index so you can easily look up your pages for quick reference. Some use a whole page or two for their Index, I ended up using a half of the first blank page in my journal, because I used a fairly small pen. Also, using a small tipped pen, I was able to fit more in without feeling too crammed, so I put my Index and Key on the same page, like so:

Now here's where your washi tape will come in handy, if you decided to get some. See that notecard hanging out on the left side of the page? Well, as you can see in this next picture, I used the washi tape and taped the notecard in there so that I can have a quick reference to my key.

This way, no matter what page you're on, you can have quick access to your key so you can be consistent. Next, I put my yearly and monthly resolutions. If you didn't see my blog from last month, it's right here. I figured I'd need two pages for my Future Log, so I split up my resolutions instead. 

Next up was my Future Log, you'll notice I started in February, because that's when I started my Bullet Journal. I didn't see the point of putting up a month that had already passed. I color coded different main events that I wanted to remember. Then I put my Weekly and Daily Resolutions on the page after.

 

I should also note that another thing I bought at Joann's were these neat stickers. They're paper-faced, so you can write on them without your pen smearing. Pretty cool, and they were on clearance, so they were only about a buck each pack. 

I'm not going to put all my pages on here, because there are a LOT. If you want to see more, let me know, I can post them on my Instagram or Pinterest board. But I will show you a couple monthly and weekly spreads, as well as a couple videos I put together drawing my layout for March. 

I always think it's nice to put a quote per month, and if I feel like it, per week. This was the one I chose for February. I love it. :D

The main thing to remember here, is that you should make your bullet journal fit you. If you don't like something, change it. You don't have to do everything someone else does. Have fun making your journal, and share your ideas so others can get ideas from you. It's like a passing a big canvas around, and everyone adding their own artistic touch to one big painting. Feel free to show me your ideas, too! Tag me on Instagram @howwonderful_lifeis so I can see your Bullet Journal, and if any of my ideas helped. Happy journaling!

This is '16 going on '17

Every year we set resolutions, and every year we review them, go over what we accomplished, or what we failed. I too like to set yearly resolutions, but rather than as a competition whether with others or with myself, I want to try something different. This year I'm going to set resolutions not as a checklist for to-dos that I cross off as I do them, but as a list of things I want to better about myself. I'm going to sort these into 7 categories:

1. Morning
2. Day
3. Night
4. Daily
5. Weekly
6. Monthly
7. Yearly

This way, I don't have just a list of long-term goals and short-term goals. I will be able to work on these into every aspect of my life to make me better than I am. Also, if you want to use this list, or just a few things from it, for yourself, go for it. I'd love to help you better yourself, too!

Morning Resolutions

• Wake up at the same time every morning (even if it means waking up at 7 on my days off, and snoozing the alarm for an hour)
• On my days off, not sleeping in for more than an hour (if I sleep in, it'll make it harder to fall asleep that night, and throw off my entire routine)
• Say morning prayer (both for things I need and thanking God for a good night's sleep)
• Take daily vitamins and prescriptions
• Make the bed (at least straightening covers and putting all pillows on the bed)
• Drink a glass of water (should already have water set aside for taking pills)
• Write one thing I'm grateful for in gratitude journal
• Clean face with cleansing solution or wipe
• Brush teeth
• Stretch muscles to wake body up
• Eat a healthy, filling breakfast
• Say 5 positive things to self while looking in the mirror
• Read or listen to a chapter of scriptures
• Only listen to positive, uplifting music during commute
• Leave 5-10 minutes before I think I should

These resolutions are to hopefully keep myself in a good daily routine. If I start off my mornings positively, I'm more likely to succeed with everything else I have planned!

Day Resolutions

• Drink 3-5 glasses of water (up water intake throughout year)
• Eat light, healthy lunch (no more fast food for lunch!)
• Exercise for 20 minutes (whether it's a jog, bike ride, situps, colorguard, or swimming, anything to get my blood pumping)
• Meditate for 30 minutes (to instrumentals or in silence, clear the mind)
• Do one hour of something creative (puzzle, doodling, taking pictures, editing videos, writing book, etc.)
• Go outside (whether it's to walk to the park, to meditate, to read, or something else, it'll count if it's outside)
• Spend 15 minutes cleaning or decluttering house
• Play instrument for a few songs
• Read for 30 minutes - 1 hour of secular book
• Complete daily goals for Spanish on Duolingo

Of course these are more general than anything, but when I do my weekly planning, I'll plan more of what exactly to do.

Night Resolutions

• Eat a healthy dinner
• Only instrumental or calm music an hour before bed
• Read scriptures, talk, or other uplifting text 
• Write one thing in gratitude journal from that day
• Drink 1 glass of water, absolutely no soda an hour before bed
• Brush teeth 
• Floss
• Use mouth wash
• No screens to be used once the light is turned off
• Say sincere prayer
• Sleep in actual bed, not couch
• Go to bed at same time every night

One of my current goals is to cure, or at least lessen, my insomnia so it doesn't take me much effort to fall asleep. I'm hoping this list will help me accomplish that.

Daily Resolutions

• Read a chapter of scriptures or a talk
• Do something creative
• Write book/brainstorm ideas for book
• Be positive
• Practice Spanish
• Be early, don't procrastinate
• Talk to at least one person in family that doesn't live with me
• Remember pills
• Declutter or clean at least one thing
• Keep to diet
• Drink 5-8 glasses of water

Most of these are just more general examples of the morning, day, and night goals. These summarize what I'm hoping to accomplish with those little goals.

Weekly Resolutions

• Stick to weekly diet
• Exercise 5 days a week at least
• Listen to one TED talk
• Go to church (unless you are dying or feel like you are!!!)
• Stay on track with school
• Cook dinner at least 2 times
• Have a weekly meal plan
• Go on a date or do Family Home Evening
• Make weekly creative goals

Every week I'm especially planning on giving up at least one food, and that'll change every week. That way I won't lose interest in my diet, because it'll always be something new.

Monthly Resolutions

• Go to temple (try to attend a different one every month)
• Read at least one book
• Post on blog at least once
• Attend a movie, musical, or concert, or something similar
• Treat yourself to a spa day (even if it's just at home! Spoil yourself, clean every crevice, use that fancy wash, do your hair, wear that blouse or dress you've been saving, make yourself feel good!)
• Complete one thing you've pinned to Pinterest
• Start writing a new book every month to get those author thoughts flowing
• Get rid of clothes you haven't worn that month (unless they're seasonal, because obviously you're not going to wear that ugly Christmas sweater in June, or that short summer dress in the dead of winter)
• Do something that scares you (make that phone call, try a new food, cook something new, admit a secret to someone you trust)

These are something I want to do more than once a year, but not every week. I really want to put myself out there and make sure I have fun.

Yearly Resolutions

• Come to know Jesus Christ more
• Get better sleep, go to sleep doctor if needed
• Up water intake
• Finish school before August (hoping by June)
• Pay off all debt (except maybe car and house if we buy one)
• Forgive more, judge less
• Solve a Rubik's cube
• Attend all Northern Utah Temples (From Logan to Payson)
• Be healthy, keep to diet, don't eat simple to eat
• Read the Gospels
• Become a morning bird more than a night owl
• Attend a writing/author's conference
• Get a career once through with school
• Every few weeks, go without wearing makeup, or only put on a couple choice things
• Laugh more, stress less
• Open Etsy shop again
• Make a music video or stop action movie every quarter
• Go technology free for all vacations (except phone calls, text messages, camera, GPS, and music)
• Tryout for something even if you're not sure if you have time, or if you don't think you'll make it
• Don't beat yourself up if you don't do EVERYTHING on this list!

All of these are things that I currently want for myself. It may seem like a lot at first, but as it stretches out into 365 days, I'm sure I'll be okay. After all, if I did learn anything from my mission, it's this:

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Happy New Year everyone!!! Make 2017 the best year of your life thus far.

The Silent Killer We Need to Talk About

*TRIGGER WARNING* This blog contains examples, personal stories, facts, and statistics about suicide that may be triggering to some of you. If you are triggered from talking about suicide, please turn away now and find something happier to read. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please call the Suicide Hotline, your doctor, or someone who will listen to you. Thank you.*
•Disclaimer• Unless otherwise stated, all statistics are based on numbers in the USA. 

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S.A. Approximately 105 people die from this every day. Every 12.3 minutes one occurs. Over 38,000 Americans a year lose their lives to this. In 2014 there were 42,773 that died.

A subject that is hardly touched, but should be, is suicide. There are so many that act as though it's taboo to talk about it, yet talking about it is one of the best ways to prevent it. We should strive to break that feeling of evasion if we want to save more lives.

Did you know that depression is the cause of over two-thirds of suicides? And yet only half of all Americans who experience an episode of major depression receive treatment. Amazed by those facts yet? Here's another one for you: About 6.7% of adults are affected by depression.

Based off 2014 numbers, this would mean that out of about 177 million adults, around 11 million were affected by depression. That year, less than 6 million would have received treatment. Yet, in teenagers, which would have been over 73 million of the population that year, 80-90% who are treated for depression are treated successfully using therapy and/or medication. If that's not something that makes you want to raise awareness, I don't know what will.

People with depression, and people with suicidal tendencies don't talk about it often, and many suffer in silence for months, if not years. "Who would take you seriously?" their mind says. Depression fills your head with thoughts of worthlessness and self doubt. "There are so many people that have it worse off than you." "What gives you the right to call that hotline?" "Suck it up buttercup, just smile and it'll get better."

What they don't get is the fact that there ARE people who care and would love to give them the chance to talk about it. But one of the curses of having suicidal tendencies is the feeling of loneliness.

Imagine you're in a crowded room. There's still space to move, but you're surrounded by people. You know at least a third of the people there, maybe only a tenth very well. But then a little voice in your head starts telling you that none of these people care about you. None of them want to talk to you, and you find yourself wanting to leave the room to be alone. That's one example of what depression and suicidal thoughts can do to you.

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for 15-24 year olds, and the tenth leading cause for all ages.

            Facts about suicide and gender: 

• Women with depression outnumber men 2:1
• Females are more likely to have suicidal thoughts
• Females attempt suicide three times as often as males
• Suicide deaths among males is four times higher than among females
• The most common method of suicide for males is firearms
• The most common method of suicide for females is poison

Now that I've got some statistics and facts out of the way, let's get personal....I have depression, which is why I know how it feels. I've had it for about a year now, and I didn't know what it was at first. Details aside, I've had some extremely dark days, but I've had absolutely wonderful days as well. 

 Even though it's painful, the best thing you can do if you have depression or suicidal tendencies is to talk to someone. I've had multiple cry sessions with my friend that makes me feel like a burden at times, but I know they're there to make me feel better no matter how long it takes. Talk to your spouse, your parent, your sibling, your best friend, your roommate, anyone you trust will be a good listener. 

 The sooner someone else knows what you're going through, the sooner they can help you. Whether you need to get out of a stressful job situation, need medication, should talk to a counselor, or simply need more time in the sun, there is help for you, and people who want to see you get better. 

Depression is serious. 

Anxiety is serious. 

PTSD is serious. 

Post-partum is serious. 

Bi-polar is serious. 

Mental Illness of any kind is serious. 

Suicide is serious, and we need to raise awareness.

If you ever need to talk, don't be shy, send me a message, and we'll find something to talk about. I want you to know that someone cares.

From a friend,
Alyson