"Do You Like You?"

This is a topic that's always circulating, no matter how many times it's addressed. Whether people accept it or ignore it, it always comes back. It's also one that I feel very strongly about, and decided I need to share my feelings on the subject.

Self Esteem

"Someone or something is forever telling us we need to be more handsome or more wealthy, more applauded or more admired than we see ourselves as being." Jeffrey R. Holland (The Other Prodigal Son) This is the heart of the problem, we try to live up to the world's standards rather than being happy with who we are. We feel like we aren't good enough. We need more money, we need to be more skinny, we need to have more knowledge, or we need to have more talents. These are the lies Satan would have us believe. He doesn't have a body, and he's going to try to do everything in his power to make YOU feel like yours is useless. 

On a non-spiritual note it is the same. Media tells us we need more than we already have. There are goals and bucket lists of things we need to do before we die, or else we're a failure. Ouch. Let that sink in. The world is telling us that unless you have what it thinks you should have, you're not good enough. Now hold on, what is the point of all of us being different....if we're supposed to be the same? Isn't that the point of gender, race, height, weight, looks, and talents? That it's supposed to differentiate ourselves from others? Then why are we constantly trying to make ourselves look like everyone else? Why do we have fashion trends? 

Sorry if I missed the memo here, but correct me if I'm wrong, aren't we supposed to be different? It's in our genetics to be different. It would be so boring if we all were the same. So why get plastic surgery, or starve yourselves, just to look like how you think you should look?  To give you perspective, I'm going to share some examples, both personal and some professional views on this subject, in case you need more voices telling you this is true. 

First off, Lindsey Stirling. This hip-hop violinist has taken YouTube by storm, showing everyone that you can do everything you want if you set your mind to it. But as all of us are, she has her own flaws and ups and downs. One such is her battle with anorexia. Her? Really? Yes, she's said in multiple videos I've seen that she battled with it for some time.

For one such example, look at her video on mormon.org here. She explains her fight with it and how she fell into the trap of wanting to fit in.

In one interview for her most popular single at the moment "Shatter Me," she talked about how she came up with this song.

Q: Could you talk about the inspiration for those lyrics?

A: For some reason, I had this little burst of inspiration. I just saw the image that is on my album cover. I saw a ballerina on a music box. It was a snow-globe music box. And she has a very stark expression but she's perfect and flawless and poised. And basically, that ballerina, I related so strongly to her because there was a time in my life when I was surrounded by this shell that I had basically built around myself, this image of perfection because I was so obsessed with being what I thought everyone else wanted me to be and I realized one day that I was so unhappy because I was a slave to my own control. And "Shatter Me" is about breaking free, discovering yourself and learning to love yourself for the imperfections that you have and breaking free from this shell of perfection. For the ballerina, she had to basically shatter this porcelain shell in order to find that she wasn't going to break but she was going to discover herself underneath. So that's what the song is about. The ballerina is a metaphor for the person I once was.

I loved this song when it first came out, and hearing the meaning behind it made it even better. I love it when people write songs that talk about accepting you for you. Not you for your neighbor or your friend or your favorite model on a magazine. You are you. And that's what's important. Remember that.

One more example I wanted to share was on my mission. For privacy I won't give specifics or names, I'll just describe the situations. I served a Spanish speaking mission in the Oregon Salem Mission. For those of you who aren't aware, Mexicans love to eat. I'm not just saying that. I mean they LOVE to eat. There were times I would three dinner-sized meals every day. This was in addition to normal meals. We would sometimes show up to a lesson and they would have a full meal prepared for us, with no warning. 

As you can imagine, this was very overwhelming for girls. Especially ones that are trying to stay healthy on their missions. I ran into all sorts of what some call "health-freaks." I wouldn't use such a strong adjective as "freak." But fanatic is definitely fitting for this situation. No, I'm not shaming this. If you like eating healthy and watching your calories and not snacking, by all means that's your body and your health I won't get in the way of that. But there is one thing that always bothered me on my mission.

Self Esteem

I felt fat. Sisters would talk all about how they "didn't eat meat" at home a lot, only when it was needed.....excuse me? Here I am with my pork tamale or chicken enchilada, and you're telling me that you don't eat meat a lot? Half of my companions were Mexican, raised in America, but they had Mexican roots. They're trying to tell me that they eat green enchiladas? All that salsa and chips? Is that it?

Man, I started looking at myself. Was that the reason I weighed more than I wished? Did I need to cut down on meat? It's not like I ate it in huge quantities, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a meal at my house that isn't set around the meat base. Whether it be beef, chicken, pork, or fish, there was some kind of meat in it. I'm sure they didn't mean to make me feel this way. But it did. Girls talking about green smoothies, which are expensive when you're on a mission budget, for your information, Eating quinoa and other grains, kale, spinach, all that stuff. Eating fruits and crackers, and occasionally eating meat. I'll admit I got into the green smoothie breakfast for awhile. They were tasty once you threw fresh Oregon strawberries in them, some bananas, or some honey. 

But these girls would not eat a lunch, or eat smoothies for all meals except for the ones members served us. For me who's had issues with her image and self esteem all my life, this was hard to handle. I almost felt like they were focusing on being healthy and taking about it way more than we were about investigators. 

And then came the one day that turned it all around....we had just had a three dinner day, and felt stuffed. So would you if you had eaten mole, enchiladas, and pupusas in a six hour span. So two of these sisters who I love dearly, decided to empty their stomachs so it wouldn't come back to haunt them. As usual, I sat back and wrote in my journal quietly, but underneath that facade I was appalled. In my mind, throwing up your food is something people who are anorexic or sick people do, not just to feel better. 

These girls are fine, they're still happily on their mission, but to this day it worries me. That they would be so willing to do that, and come up with it on their own. I felt so uncomfortable with that, I've been taught that we're perfect the way we are. Yeah I felt stuffed, but it made my full stomach turn when I thought about following their example. It didn't feel right. Thank goodness for the companion after. Though we did have green smoothies for breakfast, she didn't care if we went out for fast food occasionally or tried out one of the local Oregon diners when we didn't have a dinner. Our favorite place to go was Coldstone Creamery when we were having a hard day, this was in July in Oregon. Humid city! 

This isn't to say we were careless. Between the green smoothies, exercise tapes, riding bikes, and drinking lots of water, we were healthy. I felt great. I didn't feel too fat even when we were served too many meals. I didn't feel shameful for what I ate. I felt happy. We really got to work on our investigators and got lots done. She'll never know how much I appreciated this. I felt so happy in that area, both physically and spiritually. 

Note that this is my opinion. Many girls don't run into this on their missions, and I loved all of my areas! I'm just pointing out that we're all human beings, and we all have what makes us who we are. Don't give into peer pressure if it makes you uncomfortable. It's not worth it. Keeping yourself healthy is very important, but don't go to extreme measures to do it. Trust me on this, you'll be okay. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect with this, oh thank goodness I'm not perfect. I shave my legs, style my hair, wax my eyebrows, and dress up as much as the next girl. One thing I've never broken out of is the insecurity I have with my glasses. But I've come to accept that I'm beautiful with or without them, and I shouldn't care what others think.

My hope in writing this is that every girl can look at herself and feel beautiful, but don't shame yourself when you don't feel beautiful either. Sometimes you won't feel beautiful, I know there have been way too many times I haven't felt beautiful. But that doesn't mean you should stop trying. One bad day doesn't spoil your whole life if you don't let it. Choose to move past that day. You can choose to have a fresh start. Even if others look at you strangely, don't believe that. 

I know that I am a daughter of God. I know that He loves me and that I'm His beautiful creation. It's my prayer that everyone learns that. You can choose to feel beautiful. #ChooseBeautiful

Love, a daughter of God,
Aly