Diverse or Duplicate?

All our lives we've been told something along the lines of, "you're special", "there's no one like you", "no one can be you but you", or "there's only one of you in the whole world". Yet, some days, it can feel like everyone and their brother is comparing themselves to you. You go online and start to talk about what you're going through. Whether it be physical, mental, or emotional, and someone who sees it will want to compare you to them.

And some of them do.

It might start as seemingly harmless. Oh I remember when I did that. I remember when I was that age. My roommate had that. These comments seem to be vague recollections, but then come the comparisons. It'll get easier, it did for me! Just relax, you'll feel better in no time. I know exactly what you're going through. Me too. What started as memories for some, has turned into others trying to comfort you, or say it's not so bad, because they got through it, so you should too.

Without realizing it, they start to downsize your feelings, thoughts, and experiences. They probably think it'll make you feel better knowing you're not the only one who's gone through this. But when someone says, I know exactly what you're going through, it makes me want to shake my head and say "No, you don't."

Hopefully the comments would stop there, but then you have one too many posts about what you're going through. You get those who start getting irritated with your feelings, and feel the need to let you know, rather than unfollowing your updates. Wow, hasn't this been going on for awhile now? I thought you'd be healed by now. You're always depressed, are you trying to smile? Have you tried medication? If it's that serious, you should go see a doctor. I know a doctor who helped my friend, you should go see them.

Now what started as downsizing your feelings turns into a healing session, where everyone seems to have an opinion on what you should do with your problems. Then they won't have to see another post about it "clogging their newsfeed". Oh they won't talk to you about it in person or private message you, they'll just comment on your social media until you start dreading comments. They don't want to help you through this tough time, they want to fix you. Because if you're not taking their advice, you're not doing enough.

It seems that in today's world, you can't post anything without someone judging you for how you feel. Because if it's on social media, that somehow gives your followers the right to give you advice, and you have to follow it, no questions asked. We forget about trying to get the whole story and ask a person if there's anything else going on, or if there's something we can do, rather than asking the person to do everything themselves.

I hope this will open some of your minds, or the minds of those you share this with. Many of you have probably had similar experiences to these. Some of you may not have realized what statements may actually be hurtful to those going through a hard time. Each person is different, so this may not be the same for you as it is for me. But there's one thing I'm certain of:

Everyone's trials are different, and similar trials can be different for each person.

Be compassionate and considerate when dealing with those who may be struggling, and please, if you are struggling, talk to someone so you're not the only one who knows. There are people who care about you.

From a fighter,
Alyson